Saturday, June 07, 2008

One more thing...

..hey, Monday will resume more gamey posts, I promise :)

BUT I did want to clear something up real fast as I was concerned- for a number of reasons- about how my video post came across to some people.

And while I am SOOOOO grateful and honored that so many of you all were both supportive and willing to share your own stories of love, divorce, marriage, and all that other touchy-feely stuff (and I learned a lot from a handful of them), this will be the last word from me on it. Again, the details are personal and for my family alone. The video post was just to give everyone an update on my life (a key point- for me- of this blog). I will continue to share aspects of my life, the good and the bad and always the honest, with the reader's of this blog. But I've said as much as I feel I want to on the current subject.

And as to the video:

1- For those who thought I was being nonchalant about the break up, or being kind of like, "Meh, whatever" about it, please understand: this is semi-old news for me. I've had about 2 months to deal with the reality of it and much longer before that to work on the situation with my wife. I have been sad, I've talked to therapists to work thru issues of the break-up and- most importantly- to try and find a solution that will be the best for my children (who-if you don't get from reading the blog over the years- are everything to me). So I am 100% not flip about this situation. It's just that I posted the video months after alot of the shit went down. Trust me, if I had posted the video on the DAY me and the wife decided to separate, I would have seemed less pulled together, less 'it is what it is'....

2- The other thing is, I'm not trying to be a maverick or anything when I say I pretty much 'fart in the general direction' of quite a bit of the rules of society. I respect pretty much all the laws of society (even tho I may not agree with some of them) but the stuff about, "this is what society says you must do to be happy and good' I think- in many ways- is horse shit. And I don't reject these societal laws/rules because I think I'm cool or want to be different or anything like that. I spend a decent amount of time trying to live a soulful, spiritual, good life and I find more often than not that when I really tune into what makes my soul happy, the rules that society lays down for how we are supposed to live seem- to me- silly and not workable. I respect we all have our own internal barometers. And I respect that for many/most people the rules of society are gold and work great. I respect that. But my internal compass points me in different directions than a lot of people when it comes to things like marriage and politics and art. I am fine with that. And I am fine with the fact that- because of this- a handful of you may very well think I am the devil.

3- I don't hate marriage and I don't think it's wrong for people and families. I think it's wrong for me RIGHT NOW. I may remarry one day. I may not. My gut right now says I think it's kind of a- for me- silly institution... but I've been known to change my mind (just ask the teams I work with who want to kill me each time I do :) ). I also think there are many great kinds of families and the idea of a nuclear family being the only kind that works is a silly, naive idea that disrespects and hurts those families who have chosen- or who have been forced to choose- to do things differently.

Ok, not gonna respond to any posts. Lotta work to do this weekend plus, I've said all I need to say on the subject.

Thanks for all the support- see ya'll Monday with something less heavy...I promise!

David

35 comments:

Murderdolls said...

Hey David when is your development studio allowed to reveal the game you're all working on? Or is that also a secret?

Murderdolls said...

You can answer that whenever you have time obviously lol

MrDaBucket said...

Well good luck with it, and make sure you take good care of letting the kids no that it's not really that bad of a thing and stuff like that.

Anyways, good luck with life, comrade!

Rex said...

Go and see Kung Fu Panda if its doable.

Max said...

Dave you didn't need to justify yourself. Not a thing. It's your own damn opinion on the topic and people better well respect it or fuck off / don't come to your blog.

I don't understand the hypocrisy employed by many commenters here. Who are they to judge you and how you should or shouldn't feel? Assholes.

G.W. said...

As I said before, wish you all the best man in whatever path you want to choose.

I agree with having to live up to society's expectations of what should make you happy is bullshit. Totally agree with you that it might be right for some, but it shouldn't be right for all.

-G.W.

Anonymous said...

You know what, most people do not care. I know I don't. The funny thing is, I think, that you are self absorbed and love getting attention. Some things are better left unsaid, especially to your fanboys, who are still living in their mom's home at forty and thirty years old! The whole world has it's own probs, most people come here just to hear about your work and not about your personal delimas!

greekdude247 said...

David I know your early on the market but know that my mom is single. And I'd love to have one of my heroes as a dad. Just throwing it out there.

PyroHazard said...

Divorce is pretty heavy. My parents split when I was 17 but like here, we're given mutual respect and remain good friends.

However, as was stated by one of the commentators here, its easier said than done when not getting the kids in the middle of it. I can speak from personal experience when I say that for a time, my parents used me as their messenger boy because they were not brave enough to speak about issues to face to face.

After all that had happened, it just left a bitter taste in my mouth in regards to the whole concept of marriage. Taken into account that it lasted 20+ years, I guess they prolonged it for the sake of me and my sister.

I don't know, it just seems marriage now is a joke -- a punchline...and not everyone is laughing.

Joel said...

to be honest my post isn't much related to your post, as it is to a reply you made in the comments section in your last post...

and i know i shouldn't try to tell you how to run your blog, or anything, but its an idea that i thought i'd run by you anyways.

sometimes people leave you hateful or ignorant comments. and unfortunately, to me at least, it seems like THOSE are the posts you reply to the most, in your comments section.

for one thing, thats all that those people want from you, a reaction. so you encourage them to come back to your blog and troll you.

would it not be SO much more fun for the people who actually enjoy your blogs and your points, if you instead waited for the intelligent and well-thought out replies, and responded to them?

i realize you can only leave comments so many times, because you're a busy guy, but i just think you should really try to save them for the people that DESERVE a response.

thats my take anyways, if you disagree, you are entitled. have a good day.

nipun_coolguy said...

Hey David! This is really my first comment on your blog (Although, I've been a regular visitor). It's so sad to hear about you 'parting ways' with your wife. I can understand it was tough for you, your wife and certainly it's goin' to affect the kids. But, I can't fathom why do people split after sucha long and fruitful marriage! I cannot understand the concept of couples splitting but still saying that they are good friends. I say, work it out man, talk to each other!

But, even after all this, I'm really happy to see that you're still positive. Well, as my Mom used to say, whatever makes you happy. You're still my idol. It's very easy to be a prisoner of the past and I hope that it won't be the case with ya. I love you ( not literally though :D ) for the work you do and the passion and zeal you have for it. All I can say is that, keep up the good work goin' and we all hope to see your life be all you ever wanted it to be!

Cheers!

da criminal said...

Joel-

you know, that is a REALLY good point. I guess it's just my argumentative nature. I've always loved to debate :)

But you know, it's a good point and I've heard it a few times now and I'm gonna make an effort to communicate directly with those who do come here and treat everyone- myself included- with respect.

I'm still down with those who disagree and want to discuss our differences (I dig that and I learn from that) but yeah, you are right. They need to do it in a way that is respectful in order to generate a response (assuming I do have the time to respond at all).

Thanks for the tip, Joel!

Chat soon!

David

Carlton said...

I tried to post something on your blog yesteday but I was hit by error after error with my log in names - and I hate leaving posts as anonymous. Bascically I feel bad for your situation, however its really awesome that you and your wife are remaining such good friends and still somewhat there for each other. I was wondering though if your kids know what is going on, if they understand it and how they are taking it. Take care buddy and I hope all gets better for ya

Josh Freeman said...

Wow 66 posts on your last one lol, love makes more debates than games, I've just broke up with my girlfriend and in a way it's sad cuse I had something so amazing with her, everything was right, but our ideas on what is "meant" to happen in a relationship. And In a way, I feel its a lot better we've ended, though not on good terms, so take longer than a mutual ending, but at least I can concentrate on things more.

I know this may sound cheeky, but me and a bunch of my friends have got together and been making this game, it is for pc, and u wont need any requirements, if you wanna play it, i'll send it to ya PM, Demo be ready early July. I might just send you it anyway mwuahahah

Keep posting, enjoy.

Bear said...

David, I admire your honesty and attitude about your family's situation, and while I believe in marriage (I'm married and have twin 2 year old girls)it's not necessarily the best option for everybody. As long as your kids grow up healthy, strong and happy, that's what matters most and you both sound like you're going to make sure that happens. So fuck the negative commenter's and keep living your life the way you see fit. This is just another big boss battle in the video game of life, man!
Love the blog and your games,

Bear

StareClips.com said...

I've always viewed marriage as something like home ownership. When you're living in an apartment, all of your rent just vanishes into the abyss. Life is tough, but a lot of things are taken care of for you... the landlord takes care of things if something breaks, like the toilet, the plumbing, etc...

Eventually, though, you work hard to earn enough money to buy a house. Now, all of your money is going towards your mortgage. You've reached the next stage in life and are now a home owner.

The reality of it is, home ownership is much harder. When the plumbing goes bad or there is a problem with the wiring, it's up to you to have it taken care of. Home ownership is by far not the "dream" people make it out to be... but it IS often the goal... the next stage... the next level in the game, so-to-speak.

It's harder... more challenging... and often a lot of the fun you had in earlier levels becomes frustration.

So, I don't see marriage as that "thing" that people do to live a happier life. I see it as that thing people do when they've already played the first level long enough and are ready to move on to a higher challenge.

GrYnder said...

Stareclips - Man, you rule with metaphors.

PlayStation Museum said...

Dave, we should talk someday. I know it's a difficult time for you.

DeathBeforeDishonor said...

I see a lot of people on here telling you about what you should do with your marriage, even when you seem to have things worked out. SO I thought what the hell? If all these guys can do it why can't I?
I've found (with my limited view of relationships, I'm only 20) that many relationships, not just between a man and a woman, tend to fail because of unrealistic expectations. Now that I think of it, if something fails it probably was because of expectations that either weren't met or couldn't be met. There is a great book out called "The Four Agreements", It's a book that deals with many things but one of them is that idea of expectations, and how trying to not have expectations can make things a lot easier, because there is no disappointment. It's not a religious book and is not a long read, but it is definitely worth a read.
That said, I know nothing about marriage, and I probably wont for a while now. I do think that you are handling it very well, and I give you major props for that.

Oh and, on the God of War movie. You may have thought of this already but I realize that there is no actor that can fill the shoes of Kratos, so way not make the movie like Beowulf(CG). Just a thought (and a good on at that). :)

orion said...

Yeah let the inner geek to come out it hurts like a bitch (we have all been there) and good luck.

And by the way have you heard the new dowloadable song for GUITAR HERO 3? it´s "the end begins" (to rock)

MMedina said...

David,

I've always been a fan of TM2. I use to stay up past midnight playing it with a close cousin of mine back in '96 & '97.

I hold up it up there with my favourite childhood games of all time.

I'm a young working actor based out of New Orleans, LA.

Most recently, I've had some free time during the week days from principal photography work on a feature film I'm helping produce. It's a small movie, but only in budget. (A little larger then Clerks but smaller then Terminator). I'm very proud of the product so far.

During these free days, I've had time to finally play some of Twisted Metal Black.

And thank God I have. It's a blast. I love the atmosphere, and most importantly the gameplay is solid.

I got to looking up on who made these games (the TW Series) and I read up all I could on wiki and ever interview I could get my computer to find.

Please, whatever game you develop, produce, direct next --I would LOVE to be apart of. I've always wanted to lend my voice to a game.

My TV & Film agent is based in Louisiana. Anne Massey with FAME Agency. They work primarily in the Louisiana market.

My online domain is at:

www.MarelMedina.com

I know, you know, everyone has a schedule BUT I'll fly out to an audition/meeting/cattle call/ANYTHING for a game you're directing. NO hesitation.

God bless your family and kids. Keep rockin' out the goods, David.

A supporter out of New Orleans -

Marel Medina

JWiggs23 said...

i'm sorry to hear about your situation dave, but I applaud you with your positive approach and how your handling things. And you're right, no matter how bad things are they could always be worse.
I really enjoy all your games so far, so keep up the good work! Would you be up for playing some GTA or Call of Duty sometime? my PSN is JWiggs23.

nipun_coolguy said...

Hiya David!

It's good to see that you are seeing the bright side now. Even if you are not, polish the dull side. You'll get my vibe, I guess. Enough of this, now tell me, what are you upto these days? Busy with designing & playing games and all?

For all those who keep on dissin' this great guy I just wanna say - you're the reason god created middle finger! Just leave David alone and respect his privacy.

P.S.

David - I know that ya love to eat "Dam Alloo". Isn't it? Dig into it now and you may feel better :D It's a Kashmiri dish and I'm a Kashmiri.

Cheers buddy!

Joel said...

hey david.

im glad you took my comment in the right vein.

i'll be around.

jryi said...

David,

Even though I do not know you personally, based on everything I have seen and heard you say, I have always respected you as a person who knows what he wants and does what he believes is right.

Given that I am someone who doesn't allow society to dictate his doings, I totally understand your decision (and I am sure the decision was made in agreement with your ex-wife). I have been on a brink of divorce, and that time of crisis was one of the worst in my life. It was even more painful for my wife.

We are happily married still -- I love her more now than ever before -- but I can totally respect that you arrived at a different outcome. Still, as a result of not closing my eyes to the outside world, I've seen so many different ways for couples to arrange their relationships (relationships that actually work), that I have understood something quite fundamental about human nature.

What works for me, doesn't necessarily work for someone else.

Everyone has their own way of finding happiness.

Everybody is primarily responsible for their own happiness. If you are not happy yourself, you cannot make others happy.

Keep writing whatever you think is worthwhile. I (and everybody else) have a possibility of skipping what we find uninteresting. There are other things in life than work and video games. Some of them even more important.

All the best!

StareClips.com said...

This is only mildly on-topic, but I just wanted to bring it up because I always found it to be amusing.

When my ex-in-law's were trying to help us keep our marriage together, they gave us some materials from the "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" books. (It was actually a video, in this case.)

Unfortunately, my ex-wife wasn't too interested and pushed the materials aside, so I ended up watching it alone.

Once I moved on, I am am now re-married. My wife and I decided to do things the right way, and arm ourselves with knowledge. You learn how to drive a car the right way before you just hop into one and jump onto the freeway... so why shouldn't you learn how to open yourself up to another, become one, and live your life with them forever without falling out of love?

So, we got the book version of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus".

ANYWAY, one of the things it talks about (in reference to guys) is that men need "cave time." Cave time is that notion that men are problem solvers. However, sometimes there are problems that we have a difficult time solving, and it causes frustration. To "wind down" we often jump into some sort of problem-solving situation that is "manageable"... like fixing up a car or building a deck.

The need to isolate ourselves to some degree and challenge ourselves (but not too challenging) is needed for men to maintain some sense of self worth and sanity. Likewise, it suggests to the wife that when the man is in his "cave"... it is best to be encouraging and understanding of this. After all, if the man is getting nagged for going into his cave, his cave is no longer his place of rest but becomes a prison of sorts.

Anyway, my wife and I always refer to video games as my "cave time." So, when I fire up the PS3 she'll say something like, "cave time, eh?" I'll just respond with, "yep" and then play away.

I have noticed that movies and TV shows tend to try to reprogram people to be opposite to this. In other words, how various programs and commercials program people (especially women) is to make people incompatible towards a long lasting relationship or marriage.

In the movies, for instance, they depict a guy playing video games as being immature... possibly without a job. They depict women as the monarch of the home, trying to keep everything in order... while the guy generally just screws things up. I have even seen some beer commercials which depict the guy as a bumbling idiot and the wife as the "raised eyebrow of society."

As a guy, it's a frustrating thing to watch... knowing that people are buying into it... are being programmed... and AREN'T reading more useful materials that really tell it like it is.

David said...

^ Ah, something we both agree on, stareclips.com, actually two things...

Okay, I don't really have much to say to David here, heh, sorry man

I completely agree on the portrayal of guys in commercials/movies/tv .... especially in commercials. They show a guy at the BBQ pit, just creating a huge flame, and there's his girl in the house looking at him, going "Yep, there's my idiot." It's really reinforcing that "guys can't do anything right" image that I hate too. But to be fair, if you look closer, they mainly pick on the white guy more than any other. I'm sure that's because interest groups would protest the product if it was any other ethnicity. White guys are the easiest group to target, and they know that they won't fight back, so they keep doing it.

I remember hearing this one joke about compy commercials where the slogan was "It's so easy that even *DAD* can do it" .... what, you mean the guy that *BOUGHT* the fuckin' computer? Haha, it's so true.

...and getting to the strength and trust of relationships and such, there's this website I've been hearing about, and it seems that it's gaining momentum. It's called AshleyMadison.com (Don't worry, it's not a porn link). It's a match-making site that's in the business of hooking up people who are already in relationships.

It actually *ENCOURAGES* cheating! I couldn't believe it myself. The lines that I hear go "Life is short. Have an affair" and "Let's face it: all the good people are already taken" It sickens me every time it comes up. Now I'm 23, and this is just wrong to me.

What's more is that the people talking in the commercial are, as stareclips.com said, "programming" those listening to think that it's OK to cheat, that everybody does it, and that you won't get caught. Yeah, but what if you find your current significant other on that site, or if they find you? Think about *THAT*, eh?

StareClips.com said...

Yeah, I'm sure there has been at least one movie with a plot like that. Two people in a marriage fall out of love, decide to go outside of their marriage, but end up finding each other again... anonymously at first. The ultimate lesson learned is, if you think it is feasibly possible to fall in love with a complete stranger, it should be possible to fall in love with your spouse again, assuming you ever loved them originally.

There were some really key moments in my separation that made me realize that some people can be completely and 100% LOGICAL... but the logic is, itself, completely insane logic.

For instance, a counselor had told my ex-wife (before she PHYSICALLY cheated on me... she was in love... but they hadn't been physical, yet) that our son should come first, etc... She told her that in everything she does, she needs to ask herself "will this help my son, or make things harder for him?" before acting.

Ultimately, she ended up cheating on me physically. At some point in an argument, she said she did it for our son. I was floored. Her reasoning was this: By having sex with another man (whom she now loved) it made her happy. If she was happy, then our son would have a happy mom. Having a happy mom means being happy as well, so it was all for him.

Logical? Yes. Insane? Absolutely.

It's a hair shy from the mother who drowns her kids in the tub to "save them." There is usually logic that leads to such actions, but the logic is not rooted in reality.

Another gem was when she was cheating, I started getting upset about it. When I got upset about it, she said it made her love me even less. So, I was faced with a dilemma. Act calm and cool about her cheating on me, and maybe she'll stick around. Or act upset about it, and she'll leave for sure.

So, I started taking the calm and cool approach (trust me, this was very difficult to accomplish.) Then, she filed for divorce. Later, in another discussion (argument) she told me that she thought this is what *I* wanted. She explained that at some point, I was fighting for her... but at some point, I seemed to just give up... to which she said something to the effect of: If I wanted her to stay around, I should have fought harder for her.

Logical? Yes. Insane? Absolutely.

Again, some people seem to have the best intentions. They are merely trying to navigate through life as best as they know how. Unfortunately, some people were given the instruction book of INSANITY.

Another wonderful gem was the fact that her dad had cheated on her mom, but her mom stuck around by his side anyway. She essentially said that if I really loved her, I'd stick by her side, too, while she cheated. On the flip-side of the coin she told me that if I ever cheated on her, she'd kill me. (She didn't say this in a joking tone, either.)

As you can see... having a logical view point with all the best intentions is great, but some people can hear this and formulate an insane conclusion.

The lesson she SHOULD have learned from her parents was: Cheating really risks ruining a marriage... your parents were lucky. Instead, she learned: Cheating is ok, and your spouse should stick around through it.

Likewise, a lot of the portrayal in movies and television about the "buffoon" of a husband... who blows up grills, gets fired from his job for oversleeping or being hung over, plays video games with his friends rather than reading the baby rearing books... should really only teach the lesson of: This shit is funny. Instead, people take the "lessons" from this and formulate LOGIC. Unfortunately, the logic is often rooted in the insane world of television and movie comedy and never rooted in reality.

(Note: If you've ever watched a soap opera, these are the worst offenders in teaching bad lessons, but at least the men are portrayed as competent.)

Rey said...

hay Jaffe do you know how i can get stuff that i created COPYRIGHTED? there 3 storys i never posted this i created on my own from the ground up.

Asurastrike said...

So, how's Twisted Metal PS3 coming?

StareClips.com said...

@rey,

Technically, according to copyright law, by the mere act of writing something, you are the author (provided you didn't plagiarize.) By being the author, you are automatically covered by copyright protection.

The only thing you would want to do is have proof of when the work existed. For instance, if you write your story and hide it away in your closet for years, and someone mysteriously comes out with a novel with exactly the same words, you wouldn't have a leg to stand on. How would you PROVE that what you wrote came before what they wrote.

If, however, you publish your work. Put it up on the Internet. Publish it somewhere in print. Something that you could use as proof later, then you are automatically protected.

One method that might work (if you don't want your work to be public yet) is to seal a copy of your work in an envelope, then mail it to yourself through the United States Postal Service. When you receive this, DO NOT OPEN IT. Leave it sealed. The USPS postmark date on it would be proof enough of the date of the existence of the work still sealed inside, if you ever needed proof later.

Keep in mind, though, that you can't copyright an idea. For instance, if your story involves a serial killer that carves Bible quotes into his victims' foreheads, I can write a story that has the same basic plot, but in my own words with my own characters and character development, etc, etc... and you couldn't really fight against this easily. It isn't the IDEA that is copyrighted, it is the WORK. The actual word-for-word creation.

You can prevent people from copying it (hence, copyright)... but you can't prevent people from being inspired by it (hence, no inspireright).

Kilrahi said...

I don't think marriage is the ultimate way to happiness for everyone, but your descriptions of it, both in your video and in your points of clarification, seem to turn it into social vaporware. There is far too much evidence and proof establishing that when done right it is one of the most powerful and benificial social decisions that can be made, and not to be an ass but statistically speaking you yourself will come to realize as much (that doesn't mean you really well - I'm only pointing out it happens time and time again so the odds are there).

I too love to debate, and if I were in person I'd love to challenge you on a few of those positions, but this really isn't a good place for it, and I'm not interested in communicating a position from me other than wishing you the very best. No matter what, I hope that your claim you are doing well is true, and I will continue to look forward to your gaming comments. How was that for respectful? I hope it came accross right.

Rey said...

@ StareClips.com

hay thanks

so i can write something then film it then automaticly i own the copyrights?


awsome

StareClips.com said...

@rey,

That is correct. By saying you have the "copyrights" it means you have the right to copy it. And why wouldn't you have the right to copy it, you made it. It also means you have the right to sue someone who copies it (not just who makes a derivative work) without your permission.

Many people will just put a copyright statement (along with the year) to clarify to everyone that the author has no intention for the work to be in the public domain... it is also meant to clarify who the author is and what year the work was created in.

To be honest with you, if you don't have the money for a lawyer and don't think one would take your case pro bono (essentially for free), then while you DO have copyright protection, it likely won't mean much in the end because sometimes rights have to be fought for in court.

I think it is generally just best to get your art out there for people to appreciate it... and if it is good, you'll get the credit and recognition and things will go on from there.

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