Friday, November 28, 2008

Is it totally 'the G word' that I want this?

I grew up in a time when the words 'GAY' and 'FAG' were easily tossed around as insults. I am ashamed to admit that I- as a boy and teenager- used both terms when jokingly insulting my friends (and seriously insulting my enemies) more than I should have (i.e. more than once). But it was the times and back then it never occurred to many of us that using those words in such a fashion could have really been hurting a gay person who was in earshot- closeted or out, but back then, I didn't know a single gay person in my school...I imagine that's very different for high schoolers today?...

...but today, for me and the people I know, the F word in any context and the word 'Gay' when used in a derogatory way are simply unacceptable. I hope visitors to this blog feel the same.

But the issue now is, I find myself without a good word to describe a guy- or the action of a guy- that is wimpy and soft and girly. I mean, I could use the words: wimpy, soft, and girly, but none of those have the same punch as the old 'G word', you know? How much of the power of the 'G word' tho, comes from the fact that a portion of our society still has an ignorance and hatred of gay people? And how much of it comes from the actual phonics of the word itself? Probably the former. Especially considering that I do know gay people now and with the exception of one, I no longer associate gay people with the adjectives wimpy, soft, or girly.

And before you accuse me of being ultra PC, remember, that same sort of 'oh you're being too sensitive' sentiment was tossed around back in the 60's when discussing civil rights for African Americans. And look where we are- thank God- today. Look who is in the White House.

And so, no, I don't think I am being too sensitive about this. Words matter in that they help form our reality. And so I will choose to continue to avoid these two words. But that brings me to the issue, the dilemma, and the whole point of this post.

I saw this online this morning, and I really, really want it.

Does that make me totally...err....wimpy, soft and girly? :)



Anonymous said...

Pansy? Does that work? Pixie? Maybe you're a fairy?

But I still love you. In a non-G-word kind of way.

Wait, is it ok to use the full G-word in my previous sentence? It's all so damn confusing.

Jonathan said...

im really happy to see someone actually stop and tell people that using those words is unacceptable. because it is. being gay myself i find it disgusting and insulting when people throw those words around willy nilly like its just no big deal. those words are built off of negative stereo types that are insulting to people. i dont like it when other gay people use words like queer or fag to describe themselves or other gay people. it gives people the impression that those words are ok.

also "wimpy, soft, or girly" =/= gay. the word i would assume you would be looking for is effeminate. i dont like effeminate guys myself, but thats the stereotypical gay man. someone whose kind of vain, with a lisp, and limp wrists who thinks everything is just fabulous. and that is completely uncharacteristic of a large portion of the gay population.

and no its not that different in high school today. some high schools have a GLBT group you can join, but most dont as far as i know. and people still use gay, queer, and fag like its going out of style and they dont recognize it as wrong because theres now a disconnect between what your saying and what your actually saying. you are saying something is equal to something else.

Anonymous said...

That Disney pack is for you or your children??

Feenwager said...

I'm not sure what the right word to use would be (wuss? part wimp, part puss), but yes...yes is totally "***" that you want this.

Even if it is kind of cool looking.

David said...

Opening with a George Carlin quote:
"The words, in and of themselves, are not inherently bad, it's the context that you put them in."

Sometimes it makes me sick, how PC we've become, and how soft the language is that we now use. It's one of those things that makes me infinitely glad I'm currently in college, where I can actually say all those kinds of words (in a joking manner, of course). It also drives me to enjoy the shit out of saying them when I do say them.

I hang out with a group of friends in an environment that actually allows me to use those words with no repercussion, mainly because they themselves are a part of that group of people referenced (sexual preference, race, creed, etc.) and they're smart enough to not let it bother them one bit, even those who are *NATIVE* to that group/country!

With my friends, we make jokes about everyone, which makes making fun of people that much more fun. In my group of friends (which is co-ed, so sexism is in the mix), we have a Jew, a few atheists, some Latinos (myself included), Black Americans (because they're not from Africa, they're born in the US), a native Russian, some of the whitest guys and girls I've ever met lol (including one gay and bi girl), a few Asians (Japanese, Chinese, Taiwanese, and South Vietnamese), and bunch of others that would make this longer than it is already (it's a big group of friends). The only time any one of us gets offended is when their *CHARACTER* is attacked, not their lineage or origin.

Now I know that as soon as I enter the post-college, professional world, where there are legal consequences for even uttering those words (regardless of context, stinkin' vultures), I won't be able to say those kind of words as much anymore, if at all. But for the time being, if anyone gets all up in my face over something they've overheard in a context that's obviously not derogatory, I'm simply going to say "Go fuck yourself" in as many different ways as I can.

I now leave you with a link to a youtube video:
Louis CK on the "F" word, the "C" word, and the "N" word

MrDaBucket said... sure love disney. And no, it doesn't make you soft. Maybe a bit of a manchild, but that's acceptable for someone with your job(, if not encouraged).

btw, Ive been instructed to invite you onto the TechAndGames podcast by our producer, about a month ago, and I just finally found the time to catch up on your blog.
e-mail me at if you want to be a guest anytime. you won't have to schedule any shit. just e-mail me your stickam or preferably your Skype name and you'll be allowed to come on the show anytime you wish to be on.
we record live on stickam ( on Saturdays at 7pm EST, and tuesdays/thursdays at 8pm EST.
so yeah, thanks if you do wanna be a guest and if you don't, thanks for reading my comment.

P.S. Glenn of the PlayStation Nation podcast told me that this would be the best way to contact you, so yell at him if you get these comments all the damn time and Im just another annoying podcaster "begging for change"*.

*we accept cash.

da criminal said...

As a guy who gets blasted frequently for my cussing, I can attest to the obnoxiousness of our culture's wimpification at the hands of ultra political correctness. It sucks and is lame and sometimes it's more than ok to be offended...that's just life. But much good has come out of the PC movement it as well.

Words like fuck, shit, motherfucker,etc...whatever. They are just words. People who get bent out of shape hearing them are- to me- wound a bit too tightly.

Regarding words like Gay and Fag:

I used to also embrace the logic of , "well they are just words and as long as we know they are being used in that context, no harm-no foul..."

And that works great FOR ME cause I am not gay, so the 'F' word doesn't offend me cause it's not an attack on me. I am not black, so the 'N' word doesn't offend me cause it's not an attack on me. I am no longer Jewish so the 'K' word doesn't offend me cause it's not an attack on me.

But the reality is, they are words designed to degrade and hurt and using them- in whatever context- keeps them alive, keeps them in the ether and on some level (sometimes very subtle, sometimes overt) our society suffers because the element of racism and homophobia and anti-semitism gets to survive and exist. The FACT that you use the words as a jokey insult is in itself proof to this...if you didn't have some element of negative judgement inside you about the people whom those words degrade, why would you pick those words to use as an insult?

And then that subtle- but harmful- logic seeps into our world and it's just - at best- bad karma. At worst it's simply cruel.

So that's my take on it...


David said...

David, I can understand where you're coming from, and once again, I can't help but agree with you. Yes, I'm gonna be blunt: you are right.

This is why I love reading your blog. You bring to the table something that I either just skim over or just miss entirely (in this case, the former).

It may be because I'm young and don't have as much knowledge / wisdom as yourself, and I do know when it's not okay to say such things, but I'm currently enjoying my privilege to be able to use those words. I can see how easily I can get reckless with such remarks.

Knowing myself, I'll more than likely will have had my fill of using/saying offensive slurs and comments by the time I graduate, probably before then. I mean, I'm gonna have to grow up at some point.

Jonathan said...

i agree that words are only offensive in context but that said, words like fag and gay and queer used within earshot of someone who is actually gay is offensive by fact of you are comparing the gay person (knowingly or not) to something negative. and worse then that it is an absolute statement. you are saying that no matter what, a gay person is equal to something negative. that's not the same as saying piss, shit, douchebag, asshole etc. etc. simply because saying someone is an inanimate object isn't offensive to said object. but i guarantee you that you have been overheard by more then a few gay people and as a result of you saying those words they have probably felt like shit after hearing it. mind you i am a firm believer of the idea that i do NOT have the right to not be offended by what you say.

so in context of you and your friends its not offensive in the least. but what you have to understand is that your words carry and people will overhear you saying "oh that dudes a fag" or "damn doesn't he look like such a queer" or whatever, and when someone hears you equate their sexuality to something negative and bad they cant help but feel like shit. so say whatever you want, but always keep in mind what you say has consequences. that your words effect others.

Anonymous said...

Hrm, here in Liverpool (UK edition) gay is used a lot, but its actually taken on a meaning different to the old meaning. I'm not going to play the 50 of my friends are homosexual so hey its fine for me to use it card, because I hate that weak justification shit. But I use the word, most likely daily, as do most folk I know / work with. I dont think its ever used to offend though.
I suspect its grown in use partly due to the excessive use of it in things like southpark, I dont know.

These days its basically a substitute for lame or crap or rubbish, though as opposed to anything else - is that in itself bad that its now associated with rubbish.. hrm maybe sometimes we think too much about this stuff. Although I do note the point that its easy to say its harmless whilst in effect perpetuating the problem, knowingly or not

Fag, well thats something never used in the UK, except in reference to cigarette as that is what it is short for - just going outside for a quick fag, got any fags on you, anyone fancy a quick fag break etc. I imagine americans not used to this would come over here and wonder what the fuck was going on.

I dont think I know anyone who ever uses it in the way its used in the states. I remember seeing some rollins spoken word shows making mention of the first time he heard it used in the uk in different context.

but gay... hell I dont know, maybe its the place I live or one of the differences between uk and america, I dont think its ever really been a big insult word, over here the traditional insult on those lines, ie. with venom and ignorance has always been 'queer' but its a word I hardly hear, but then I dont really know anyone who is homophobic, certainly not openly I guess some folk I know could be but I'd be surprised.

But then you never hear much racist crap over here either, exept maybe from drunks or rabid sports fans whose brains leave them. thats not to say england is enlightened and not racist, far from it we have some serious issues and the 'rise of the BNP' over here is frightening even if the media do blow it up out of proportion at times, its still worrrying we can live in this centruy and still have idiots with such views, BUT I am fortunate to live in one of the uks most multicultural cities so thankfully the biggots are quickly spotted and killed (if only) certainly there are cities with quite bad racism in the uk, but like anywhere I guess, there are also places that have a majority of folk who wont stand for that and who help things change

My point, I dont know, maybe its just that between uk and america there are some key differences, you hardly ever hear motherfucker over hear I mean really is RARE to hear that used, but you hear the C word a lot.
Should I type that here ? hell, edit it if required, hrm, I'll do it, I know its a big offender in america.

Actually just thinking about the whole use of the word makes me wonder about how homophobic things are in the uk compared to america say, I think here we have a tendancy to
1 - be quite liberal and acceptive (thats not a word I dont think, but it sounds cool - acceptive... sounds like a Bush-ism... 'we must not be acceptive of the terrorisers who use the internets...' etc)
2 - hide a lot of racism and homophobia, sweep it under the carpet, its not the done thing, but behind closed doors that guy you think you know is actually an ignorant racist homophobic prick

So whilst I think the uk is on the right track general, but for the odd really bad downfall, i think its not as 'ace' as sometimes thought as there is a lot of dormant/latent ignorance. America seems to be a little more in your face in those terms, the fucktards actually stand up and are proud to be ignorant etc.
rambling now
a lengthy first post

hrm wont seem to allow me to post logged in just anon.

Anonymous said...

How about the phrase "punk bitch"

Anonymous said...

Funny you should bring this up because it struck me the other day when you were pissed off with the ALL CAPS police that you were calling them cocksuckers, and how there was a bit of a tension there between that and your obviously liberal attitudes. I think the tension there is real. Intellectually we're convinced that you should sleep with whatever gender you're attracted to, but we still hold on to the idea that there's something wrong with you if like having dicks in your mouth. I reckon this will fade out, though. We're within the first couple of generations to get to grips with this stuff.

da criminal said...

You have a good point with the cocksucker...hmmm....I need to think on that cause on one hand I can see how it's kind of wrong to call someone that as an insult and also if you are calling the right person- in your eyes- a cocksucker, I can see how that is really cool.

Interesting and odd- thanx for that!


Orin said...

Well, I know a few homosexuals, and honestly, it still doesn't hurt me to say "Gay" or "Faggot", particularly when I'm fired up. Because lets face it, we are human. We say stupid, mean, hateful things. That is just how a lot of us were raised, and instictively, thats how we'll be. Even if we manage to learn to curb those outbursts, odds are you will continue to say stupid, hateful things on the occasion you get fired up.

I'm not saying I never take other peoples feelings into consideration. If I'm around someone I KNOW, someone I don't want to offend, I will watch what I say. I'm not going to go up to a guy holding another guys hand carrying a purse and call him a fag (which IMO is much more offensive than gay). But I'm also not going to usually say such things in public anyway, since there usually isn't any need.

However, online (IE, In the comfort of my own home), I'll say whatever I please, and I would expect no different from anyone else. People say offensive stuff online all the time. NO it doesn't make it right, but it also means they feel the same way.

The only thing that can stop this behavior is: A: EVERYONE stops saying non-PC stuff all at the same time: Or B: People just learn to understand that humans are imperfect, and don't always control what comes out of their face holes. I think the later is much more likely. However... In the case of the former... wouldn't a Utopian world be nice? heh. :P

BTW Jaffe, I've been reading this blog pretty faithfully for pretty close to a year now (give or take a few months), and I must say..

I agree with you on at least 95% of things, and on the other 5% of things, I can see where you're coming from :D Keep it up. More Vlogs though please! I really enjoy *hearing* you rant. It's a lot more entertaining than reading :P

lb003g0676 said...

Yep, it's totally girly. xD

But I fucking love the Aristocats, so Disney is all fine with me.

Mike said...

Your post reminded me of this:

Anonymous said...

"the look in your eye says more than your words ever will..."
my ex-gf said that the night we broke things off...
your post made me think of it.

MvmntInGrn said...

"I find myself without a good word to describe a guy- or the action of a guy- that is wimpy and soft and girly. I mean, I could use the words: wimpy, soft, and girly, but none of those have the same punch as the old 'G word', you know?"

Well in theory there is no reason for you to need a substitute word. The word "Gay' offends gay people because it it compares their way of life to a joke. Now if you criticize a guy for doing something you see as girly or wimpy then to them that has the same effect as saying "Gay" to gay person. Just because a heterosexual guy does something you see as girly doesn't mean they should be criticized.

What I am trying to say is. If you don't say "Gay" because you don't want to offend gay people. Then you shouldn't want to say a substitute term to criticize a straight person. In the end either way is hurtful.

Words used to criticize someone because of the way they act (as long as it isn't hurting others) is unnecessary all together.

Jaffe, think of a ANY situation in which you would want to use your substitute word. Now think whether that situation is necessary anyways.

Anonymous said...

When describing my friend's teased out pseudo-80s haircut in 2008:

"Dude, you look really fucking gay"

Verdict: Correct Usage! It was not used a derogatory manner, but was explaining that the style in which he chose to dress on that perticular day. "Fucking" being the proper way to describe the manner in which everyone was left with a stronger-than-usual homosexual vibe from said friend.

If his haircut didn't look like it was attempting to attract the same gender, but instead was just generally confusing, I would have rephrased my concern as "Dude, you look really fucking stupid".

Although I see where you're coming from, alot of the time you're going to have to just straight up deal with how people speak about others. I'm black and work nights as a delivery cook. All the delivery drivers are foreigners who daily proclaim "FACKING NEEGERS" when they don't get a tip. I'm usually blasting Slayer too loud to hear them, but I honestly don't care.


Anonymous said...

I had to read that twice to release "the f word" meant fag and not fuck, for a second i thought you were being sarcastic as you use the f word constantly...

I think using the word gay is fine as an insult, it's like using the word bastard, it's not insulting if people who actually are bastards hear it. I know in our current world gays are mistreated, and that makes it obviously much worse.

I don't think I've said it for years like that, but it's suitable for the sort of humor and banter young teens partake in, it's also like calling someone a wanker - it's not hurtful because of it's meaning, but it's sort of offensive in it's disgustingness and when you call someone gay it's almost like telling them to suck your balls or something...

I understand why you disagree, but it's totally different from the word fag (except when you mean cigarettes). But I think it's okay too to use words that are deeply offensive like that, I don't get offended by anything like that and neither should anyone else, it all depends on context and you shouldn't be offended if the person isn't a homophobe (fear of the same...huh?) or white supremacist etc. then it's ok to use those words.

Anonymous said...

I think too many people have persecution complexes where they think everyone is persecuting them. Christians take this to a ridiculous degree in america, where pretty much any non-christians are extremely persecuted, yet they take all sorts of issues where they've got huge priveleges and people are trying to get equal rights as examples of them being persecuted (e.g. prayer in schools). If a comedian uses the word nigger, it isn't a personal attack on all black people, it shouldn't affect you.

Mike said...

Removing particular words from your vocabulary does put a definite strain on one’s ability to draw upon the 'anger' needed for a proper insult.

I think we often lean towards words such as Gay and Fag simply because of the how truly inappropriate they are as insults. If I'm angry enough to insult someone in an attempt to demean them, I'm usually so angry I don't care who I offend.

I too have grown from my days of using Gay and Fag as insults but when the moment requires a strong verbal attack you can always use the trusty and offensive:

"You FUCKING CUNT!" That opens up a whole other bag off worms that'll get you into a lot of trouble but insults aren't used to make friends.

If you aren't scared of the mid level swear words I think "Bitch" as a proper synonym for wimpy, girly or soft. It's sad that in our attempts to remove the negative connotations from homosexual terminology we quickly fall back on misogynistic insults.

Whatever I'm a fucking bitch!

Randomhero1 said...

I say "gay" in ways like "your stupid" or "thats so stupid" and so what? i could Honestly care less of what they think since No one should be gay but its not like u can change that. And i will Continue to use it that way. Plus if you cant change that then why should i change?

Zach j said...

I have several gay friends and none have been offended by either the F or G word. But I'm sure it's a personal preference. I rarely if ever say Fag, as I think it's always been negative. But when calling someone "gay" or claiming the movie Twilight looks "gay," I don't literally mean it's intended for gay audiences. I just mean I don't like it.

But at the same time, there are so many great and intelligent adjectives out there, I don't feel the need to call things gay anymore.

Anonymous said...

Interesting topic, and one that we have had discussions about in my workplace. (Trapped in a room with 11 people of mixed sexual preferences brings up all kinds of topics.) It seems that context would be the issue here. If someone is gay and you call then gay, it really isn't an insult. I know gay people that say thank you when you do it. Same thing using the "N" word to a white guy, it just doesn't have the impact. Granted, some people are more sensitive and joking than others, so that has to take into consideration. My younger brother used the term "that's so gay" in his high school, and got suspended for insults. I guess it comes down to what area you live in. Where I live, things like that can be said since most people are accepting of gay people here. (Probably a higher concentration of openly gay people.) Of course I'm speaking as a straight person

Anonymous said...

Sorry for the lack of paragraph breaks :)

Anonymous said...

I rarely call people fags but I use the word gay way more than I should. It's because a force of habit to refer to something dumb as gay and I'm trying to lessen my usage of the word.

Also, I didn't see it on the ad but how much is that thing selling for (don't want it, just curious)?

Deometris said...

The meaning to words are constantly changing, as is totally natural. Words like Fag,in a lot of contexts, isn't even related to actual fags. A lot of people will use to it describe someone who is being a jackass, selfish, and etc.

Also take the word "nigger", it's widely used to describe any person, regardless of race, who has pathetic qualities, such as loving to steal. Blacks even use it amongst themselves in a brotherly sort of way, devoid of any derogatory meaning.

At some point, you're going to need to get over the past, and embrace the new meanings of words, that will always be naturally formed.

Joel said...

i feel like i agree with you on almost every issue.

i definitely agree with you about trying to stop using terms like "gay" as an insult. i certainly hold nothing against homosexuals.

maybe calling a gay person straight would be a good insult, too. lol.

anyways, yah, i dont see the appeal of the disney thing myself, but if you want it, i say you should get it.

he is HALF white said...

first of all obama isnt black. he is interracial and raised by his white mother or grandmother i forget which. and no i dont think that'll make u gay. or u can just lie and say its for your daughters lol

Chelidze said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Chelidze said...

hay David you are not the one who is going to read me moral and teach
me whats wright and whats wright. I live in a country called Georgia and we hear hate gays and if we see one we will mack him suffer. hear we think that you are a little strange thats complete logical a think you feel the same. David respect you but do not teach me how to live.
Still Juda

შენი დედა შევეცი

Are you working on a new Twisted
Metal if so tell us some thing a can not wait

Gerard S said...

Oh... This sounds as an all-americanPC matter... Kind of postitive discrimination. I'm spanish and have plenty of gay friends and they are the ones that use the spanish equivalent of fag more often.
In fact, yesterday my gay friend Sergi told me this joke:
A son goes to his father and tells him: "Dad, I'm homosexual".
The father asks hims: "Are you an artist?"-"No..."
"Are you an actor?"-"No..."
"Are you a musician?"-"No..."
"Then you are not homosexual, you're just a fag!".

GrYnder said...

I still use the words gay and fag to insult people. Just grew up using it, and I still haven't gotten it out of my system.

Your quote:"if you didn't have some element of negative judgement inside you about the people whom those words degrade, why would you pick those words to use as an insult?"

Really, when I was 7 and called stuff gay, it wasn't because I hated gay people. I was too young to give a shit. I just said it cause it was the "in" thing. And it stuck. I'm still the same way. Old habit, I suppose.

Greg said...

The word you're looking for is "pussy."

Asurastrike said...

I call people gay, but I never say "fag", even as a joke to my friends.

Thispostisgay said...

You know gay also means happy, it can describe homosexuals, and it is also used as a slang term. The only reason it is offensive is because people say it's offensive. If I went up to a "homosexual" person and said hey are you gay, he wouldn't think I was insulting him. The majority of the people who use the slang version don't mean it to be insulting to homosexuals in anyway.

I use "the N word" too. Not as a derogatory term towards black people but because there is more than one defition...
Slang: Extremely Disparaging and Offensive. a person of any race or origin regarded as contemptible, inferior, ignorant, etc.

The only reason it is insulting to black Americans is because after 40 years people are still associating that word with them.

Hell I am a pretty big guy, but I love a good fat joke.
Maybe I am insensitive on the subject which may be because I was raised by an incredibly verbally abusive father who would make fun of any of us for any small thing, so I have grown accustomed to just not letting anything offend me.

da criminal said...

I don't think it's an issue of your particular reality. It's great you are not easily offended by things. I'm not offended by much either. But that's not the point.

The point is, there are many people who are offended by these words (F, G, N word as examples) and to say- especially when you are not one of the minorities that these offensive words describe- that just because it doesn't bother you means it's ok doesn't really do all that much for supporting the idea that these words are ok to use.

I understand GAY- for example- was a word long before it was associated with homosexuals. Reality is, it is now associated with homosexuals as well and when people use the word in a derogatory manner, it is judging negatively the folks who are gay. It's rare to hear someone go, "dude that is so gay" and think they mean, "dude, that is such a colorful and happy thing"....come on.

Anyway, I'm not here to change minds. Just giving my thoughts and I thought it was interesting how even I- someone who feels those words are offensive- reached for the gay word instantly when I was looking to put myself down when talking about how I wanted that Disney statue thing. I would never say it out loud, but damn if I didn't think it. I'd like to say it's a generational thing and when my peeps die out, this will die out. But from some of the comments on this blog- many from people still in school who say they use those words all the time with no sense of regret- it seems- sadly- that I am wrong about that.


stalepie said...

Regarding political correctness and words, what does anthropology have to say about this?

Wasn't it discovered some 100 years ago that every culture has taboos, and that these taboos are often things you should not say?

Richard MacDonald said...

I'm bisexual, myself, and I do use words such as "gay" and "fag" in a joking manner or to mean "wimpy, soft or girly". I'm completely in the school of the context holding the meaning rather than the words themselves. It's how the same word can have multiple meanings so easily in our language.

Some would argue that such usage reinforces negative stereotypes, but I believe the best way to destroy a stereotype is to make fun of it. Use it so much that the silliness inherent becomes apparent and it will eventually lose all meaning.

It's sort of like how Richard Pryor took the word "nigger", claimed it as his own and redefined it. The problem is that by only allowing certain people to use certain words, you're not destroying the bad thoughts associated with them but rather strengthening the idea that these words mean bad things about these types of people. To disallow people to say "gay" and "fag" in the context of something that is ridiculous or girly is to perpetuate the idea that "gay" and "fag" are bad words used only to describe homosexuals as bad people.

I'm another one of those types that doesn't get offended easily. I don't even get angry when someone says something intentionally insulting to me about my sexuality. If you hate me because of who I am attracted to, my sexuality is nobody's problem but yours.

It's definitely sick, but I've talked to gay-bashers about how "God hates fags" and "Queers shouldn't be allowed to marry". There was a large group of us all getting ready to go out to the bars. It should be noted that one of the guys' girlfriends was a friend of mine. They didn't know my sexuality and I simply pretended to believe in the same things they did.

Part of it was my screwed up fascination with trying to understand bigotry and why intolerant people think the things they do, as people will really open up about what they believe if they feel like everyone nearby shares their views, but I'll admit the majority of it was purely about making fun of them for my friends' amusement, including the aforementioned girlfriend.

You want gay-bashers to feel stupid? Say something like, "If fags are allowed to get married, then the price of gas will continue to rise, there will never be peace in the Middle-East and nobody will find the cure for cancer!"

Eventually, these guys were clued in to my sexuality and they were very upset. I apologized for lying to them and asked them if there were no hard feelings, but they refused to spend the evening with a "stupid little fairy bitch". The girlfriend said she was staying to drink with the rest of us. As the guys were leaving, one of them turned to me and said, "Enjoy burning in Hell, faggot."

I smiled and said, "Enjoy being at home sulking like a baby while I'm out getting drunk with your girlfriend, douchebag."

Point is, if you spend your time getting all worked up or offended over every little silly thing, such as someone being gay or someone using the word "gay" to mean something other than "homosexuals are wonderful people who are just as capable of raising children as heterosexuals", you're going to make your own life all the worse for it.

One final point: nobody complains that "girly" reinforces negative stereotypes. Society at large hasn't decided that saying, "You throw like a girl!" is a horribly offensive thing to say. Women are still doing better now than they have ever done in America's past. There is still more progress to make, just as there is more progress for the black community, more progress for the gay community, more progress for the illegal immigrant community, more progress for all people in general, but nobody was counting Hilary out of the presidential race because she's a woman. It was purely because she's some sort of space lizard.

With determination, dedication and education, no amount of words can keep people down.

VGambit said...

"But the issue now is, I find myself without a good word to describe a guy- or the action of a guy- that is wimpy and soft and girly."

4 words:

Omar from The Wire.

Adrian R said...

ya know not too long ago "gay" meant happy (it's in the theme to the flintstones). "faggot" referred to kindling wood (and "fag" is still used for cigarette in england). "queer" meant strange or odd.

so, the meaning of words changes, sometimes very fast. keep up.

Kilrahi said...

I understand the importance of conversations like this, but they are kinda funny when you look at them deeply.

Basically, we're afraid of hurting the feelings of someone by accident (through a derogatory phrase) while we are trying to intentionally hurt the feelings of another. I'm just as guilty of this as anyone else.

Humanity . . . priceless.

liq said...

The word your looking for sir, is flute.

Keep up the good work!

Philip said...

Using words like 'fag' and statements like 'that is go gay' are generally indications of a lack of imagination or just being simply lazy. If you trying to insult someone (as is often the case when these words are used) come up with something better than that.

Anonymous said...

Term you're looking for is "Pussy" or my preference "Douchebag" FTW.

Anonymous said...

No, I don't think its the "g" word. I think people who says it is just have some problems. I may get it.

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